Mr. Renaud Meets Sharko

Mr. Renaud Meets Sharko is this second episode from season 1 of The Renaud Show. In this episode, Brian invites his buddy Sharko to hang out, and Sharko puts himself to the test to see how many animals he can do it with in one day.

Transcript
(The episode begins with Renaud turning off the camera he uses to record CPTV broadcasts)

Renaud: Ah, another kinky TV session done. Time to upload it to Vimeo as well! It's only for the professionals.

(He starts uploading the recording to Vimeo, and he gets a knock on the front door)

Renaud: Ugh, please don't be the cops again. We all know what happened last time.

Brian: Woof woof! I mean, is my friend here yet, owner?

Renaud: Which one, the tiny squirrel with a bikini or the tiny chipmunk with a g-string?

Brian: No, Sharko!

Renaud: Sharko? I don't recall seeing any rodent named Sharko.

Brian: He's my animal loving friend. He's a shark.

Renaud: Ah, I see. He’ll fit in perfectly for the next episode of CPTV.

Brian: Uh, he's kinda on the run after having sex with his neighbor’s cat, so I don't think putting him on air is a good idea.

Renaud: You're right. Let's shoot a porno instead! We’ll see how good he is with the little ones.

Brian: No publicity! He's already gotten cancelled like thrice on Twitter dot com for supporting pedophilia.

Renaud: He's based as fuck, I love it!

Doorbell: Ding dong!

Brian: Shh! It's him!

(Renaud goes over to the door and opens it. Sharko is on the other side)

Sharko: Huge tits.

Brian: Ayy my guy!

Sharko: So, got any animals for me to penetrate?

Renaud: Do we! Especially ones under the age of 18!

Sharko: HOT. None of them are women are they? Trans women don't count since they're just men being delusional.

Renaud: Good thing I'm bisexual.

Brian: So, Sharko, are you up for a cock test?

Sharko: Absolutely. My cock can handle anything, including infants!

Renaud: I'm so glad we got soundproof walls since last time.

(Cut to the three of them in the basement’s sex dungeon)

Renaud: First up is this twelve year old squirrel in a Speedo.

Sharko: HOT HOT HOT

(Sharko does the thing immediately with the squirrel)

Brian: Aw dude, you killed it! That was my fifth favorite one!

Sharko: I love gay sex.

Renaud: Don't we all?

Brian: Well I don't.

Sharko: Honestly this sex dungeon stuff is boring. The real action is when you earn the sex.

Brian: You don't mean?

Sharko: Oh I mean. To the neighbor’s house!

Renaud: They have this adorable little chihuahua named Joey. It'll be perfect.

Sharko: Ooh, the aggressive kind, I like it.

Brian: Let’s hop to it then!

Renaud: You two can go, I have… other matters to attend to.

(Sharko and Brian go outside, and Renaud takes out a picture of Chloe from FOP)

Renaud: Oh, you’re almost too perfect for this world...

(Cut to the outdoors, where Sharko and Brian are hiding in a bush)

Brian: So, what's the plan?

Sharko: We sneak in through that open window over there, and I go for it.

Brian: Sounds good to me. Let's do it.

(Sharko sneaks out of the bush and approaches the window. However, the dog’s owner can be seen looking out the window)

Brian: Mission abort! Mission abort!

Owner: Hey! What are you doing in my yard?

Sharko: Just… just walking by, madam.

Owner: Bullshit! Get out before I call the cops!

(Sharko flees quickly while Brian stays in the bush)

Brian: Don't you worry, I'll keep this bush warm for ya.

(Cut to Renaud taking heavy breaths after his session)

Renaud: Ah, that was nice. This is what real men do.

Sharko: I didn't make it.

Renaud: AHH! Don't scare me like that! So you didn't get the hot sex, huh?

Sharko: Yeah, the dog has an owner and she's pissed. She threatened to call the cops on me.

Renaud: Hmm… I think I have something that'll do just the trick.

(Cut back to the bush, where Brian is still hiding)

Brian: I've been waiting here for half an hour, where is he?

(Sharko shows up in the bush with something in his hand)

Sharko: Huge ass tits.

Brian: Finally you're back. Hey what's that in your hand?

Sharko: It's a decoy squirrel. Works every time, according to Renaud.

Brian: Renaud is one smart guy, I tell ya. Okay, let's do this.

(Sharko winds up the decoy and puts it on the ground. It starts making noise, and the chihuahua starts barking at it. Eventually, he then jumps out the open window to get a closer look.)

Sharko: Now it's time to pounce.

(Sharko jumps out of the bush and jumps on top of the dog. Noises can be heard off-screen, and Brian is seen smirking at it the whole time)

Sharko: That was amazing. That's one.

Brian: Hey, you think that house has any other animals inside of it?

Sharko: Maybe. Let's do it.

(Mission Impossible music plays as the two of them do dramatic barrel rolls around the house. They then sneak inside the window, this time with the owner not in sight)

Sharko: This is gonna be great!

Brian: I know right? This will be an epic Sharko moment!

(The two of them hide behind a dresser as the owner walks by)

Owner: (on the phone) Yeah, I saw some hooligan in my yard. Hopefully he's gone by now. Next time I see them I'm calling the cops.

Sharko: Uh-oh…

Brian: Hey, don't worry about it. As long as we’re careful we’ll be just fine.

Sharko: You're right. Now let's get some animals.

(Brian spots a cat bowl in the kitchen)

Brian: Cat!

Sharko: Cat?! Hell yeah!

(A tiny kitten passes by and meows at Sharko)

Sharko: It was meant to be!

(Sharko leaps on top of the kitten and does something off-screen)

Brian: Yeesh he's good. Go, Sharko!

(After Sharko is done, the cat slowly whimpers away and starts meowing at his owner)

Brian: Quick, hide!

(The two of them hide in the closet)

Sharko: Y’know-

Brian: Now’s not the time for a closet joke.

(The owner’s footsteps are heard. They get closer and closer until she opens the closet to get her jacket)

Owner: It’s getting colder and colder outside nowadays. Need to be prepared. (She then sees Sharko’s snout) What the?

(Sharko then hides his snout)

Owner: Could've sworn I just saw something poking out of my closet.

Sharko: Phew.

Owner: What the?

(She pulls back the clothes to see Sharko and Brian, who then smile awkwardly)

Owner: ARE YOU FUCKING KI-

(One rant and police call later…)

(Sharko is seen in handcuffs and being escorted to a police car)

Officer: Tsk tsk tsk, at it again, aren't you Sharko?

Sharko: Huge tits.

Officer: Tell it to the judge, sir.

Brian: Pff… welp. There goes another one.

Queen: (singing) Another one bites the dust!

Brian: Suck my dick.

(Cut to Brian sadly opening the door to the Renaud household)

Renaud: Aw, why the long face? I bet you had a lot of fun with your shark friend!

Brian: He got arrested AGAIN! That's the fifth time this year!

Renaud: Well, all we can do is wait for him to come back, right?

Brian: I guess so.

Renaud: Wanna take a go with Chloe?

Brian: (sighs and takes the picture of Chloe from Renaud’s hand) Here we go again.

(the episode ends as a splatter sound is heard)